Departing from your company? Embrace it. You’re on your way to more freedom and empowerment

Sophie was a highly intelligent and capable n-2 executive in the human resources department of a retail organization operating in some 35 countries. She reported into the Group HR Director who was planning to retire. Sophie had been designated as a potential successor for the role. She always met or exceeded her annual targets and her performance evaluations were strong. Yet when the time came, the organization opted instead to go out in the market to hire for the role. The CEO explained to Sophie that her decision was based on the organization’s need for someone steeped in global best practices who could bring a new approach to the function. Sophie stayed on and helped the new Group HR Director integrate. The newly hired HR leader appreciated Sophie’s skills and positive attitude and offered her an expanded role. Nevertheless, with her career path now blocked, Sophie decided to leave within a year. What played out?

Departing from your company—whether it’s an immediate termination or a slower squeezing out— used to be an occasional event. This is not the case anymore. I suspect that the phenomenon will only intensify. With continuous M&A activity, constant disruption and an unremitting VUCA environment, it will become more and more common for senior leaders at one point or another to find themselves departing from roles and organizations sooner than they had anticipated.

No matter how uncertain the environment, no one is prepared for the loss of a job that provides not just income, but a sense of identity and purpose. My experience in coaching senior executives who exit their companies, is that when they wholeheartedly embrace the transition process and all the difficult emotions that come with it, they end up stronger, more resilient, and more empowered. When they use the process for deep self-reflection they usually find new roles that more fully tap into their experiences and motivation. I truly believe that an involuntary job transition can become a valuable opportunity for growth.

That’s not to say that this is an easy journey. When executives are not open to the process, the transition becomes incoherent, frightening and unproductive. And it may end up as an aborted transition point if their lives.

Most executives want to take action immediately to find their next role. But the magic happens in a different sequence. Bestselling author William Bridges has described the process beautifully in his book Transitions. He says that after a job loss, first there is an ending, then a beginning—and an important empty or fallow time in between.

Senior leaders are highly resourceful and capable individuals. They have built remarkable careers and they feel proud of their achievements. And yet as humans, they also experience endings as events that make them fearful. A job loss forces them to confront their egos and their beliefs about who they are and their fears about what is to come. It breaks their connection with the setting in which they have come to know themselves, sometimes over the course of many years.

I believe that to break through and move on, they have to start by dealing with the ending, no matter how painful. And in doing so there are two critical points they need to embrace to find congruence and ultimately to experience a shift in the meaning they make from this event.

The first step is to face difficult questions about their own responsibility for the outcome. A job loss at this level is usually the result of a complex series of events and forces; there are many players in this drama. It is essential for senior leaders to understand and embrace their own part in the story. The key questions are: “To what extent did this happen to me and to what extent did this happen through me?” and “What did I do or not do to contribute to what happened?” This is especially important when the ousted executive feels that the organization or specific individuals have been unfair to them. Learning to courageously accept their role in the story is an inflection point that allows them to move from “victimized” to “wise and empowered.” It is only when they understand their role that they can integrate the facts, own this wound, and move on.

The second step is to acknowledge and move through the emotions they are feeling. The vast majority of executives work hard to repress the intense emotions stirred up by a job loss. But when these emotions don’t get processed, the executive gets stuck. Bitterness and anger continue to lurk and they are visible in the executive’s body language. Even worse, the fallen executive starts to see evidence for their grievances everywhere in their life. By identifying their feelings, naming them and owning them, they can liberate themselves and move on.

Sophie recognized that there had been signs over the prior 18 months that her job might be imperiled but that she had simply been unable to take in the situation and process it. Sophie was her family’s main provider and losing her job would have disoriented the entire family. After she lost the promotion, Sophie felt shame and anger. She felt belittled. But by taking responsibility for her part in the outcome and honoring the emotions that were triggered, she was able to view the situation from a new angle and shift the meaning she attached to it, with a clearer sense of “who she is.” Sophie ended up accepting an offer from another organization for the No.1 role in their HR function. And like all leaders who are willing to embrace this transition process she ended up with more clarity, more freedom, more compassion for herself, more courage, and more resilience. She ended up a much stronger leader.